little i

Seems that lately my eyes keep being pried open to see me for who I am apart from Christ. Realization of this self is not a fun process and often, for me anyway, it is a reminder that no matter how hard I try to be different, to some they will only ever see me as the inglorious representation of humanity I once was. Trust me, I know how heinous my sins were. They are things I abhor, not things that bring me delight or joy even at the mere memory of them. I am sincerely indebted to Christ not only for salvation from eternal separation from Him due to my sinfulness, but also because He has and continues to chip away at my life to make me someone beautiful inwardly.

It is written, "He (Christ) must become greater, I must become less." This is found in John's gospel chapter 3 verse 30. Why must I, Naomi, become less?

1. If there is not less of me, I cannot be filled with more of Him.

2. Without Him I would not, and could not, be a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).

3. More of me means I place more reliance on self than on Christ and, well, that just shouldn't be.

So, even through these humbling moments, I am grateful for the grace of Christ. It is because of His grace that I did not have to stay unchanged and can live knowing that my sinfulness, even in plain sight of others, can be forgiven and in His eyes forgotten. And for that I am eternally thankful! I want to gladly become less, no matter how painful.

The Story of Samuel

I've always loved children.  For as long as I can remember I've enjoyed being around them and even helping to take care of them.  I had hoped that if God allowed me to marry then one day he would bless that union with children.  Anthony came into my life and in January 2004 we married!  That was the most precious day of my life. Then in September 2007, God blessed Anthony and I with our first son, Andrew.  The last 2 1/2 years have been unbelievable.  I can't imagine my life without that little fellow.  He has such an outgoing, fun personality that it is hard not to fall in love with him - much like his Daddy!  And now, Samuel.  After 2 years of desiring another child and no pregnancies, I cried out to God one afternoon and pleaded for another son.  My heart was hurting because I so loved being a mom that selfishly I wanted to be a mom again.  I told the Lord that if He would bless Anthony & I with another son, we would name him Samuel.  Samuel, in Hebrew, means asked of the Lord.  One day, Drew came home from daycare talking about Baby Sam.  I asked the daycare and there were no "Sam's" at Drew's school.  For a month Drew talked about this baby.  Then the end of October I realized, we were expecting our second child.  And not only were we expecting, we would later find out the Lord had heard my cry and we were having another boy!  As I type this out, I am in a hospital bed preparing to deliver my Samuel at 36 weeks.  Not exactly when or how I had envisioned this playing out.  I only know that he is here not just because I asked for him but because there is a purpose for his life that is greater than I can even understand.  My prayer for both my boys is that they would love the Lord God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength, to love their neighbor as they do themselves and to truly know Christ and make him known.  So as Samuel, unprepared as he may be, enters this world, his story is truly just beginning!

The Heart of a Child

Being a mom is one thing I enjoy most.  As Drew grows we are encountering new battles - sometimes almost daily!  Last night was a lesson in and of itself, if for no one else, for me.  We had a late dinner - and I mean late...after 8 PM - and Drew was to the "I'm so tired I'll fuss about everything" stage.  Anthony was gracious enough to volunteer to bathe Drew and get him ready for bed.  I was cleaning the kitchen when Anthony got Drew down from the table to take him to the bath.  Immediately, Drew ran into the kitchen and began to cry because he did not want to go with Anthony.  Finally, with a red face and tears streaming down his cheeks, he huffed off down the hall with his dad.  As I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, I could hear the interaction between father and son.  My very patient husband was lovingly trying to move Drew toward the bathroom when he darted back into the living room.  It was at that point I turned to see Anthony standing in the hallway and Drew facing him from the living room.  Anthony did not raise his voice, he did not physically touch Drew.  He calmly told him it was time for a bath.  At that Drew went into meltdown mode.  The strangest part to me was not that Drew was screaming and crying but that through his meltdown, he obeyed his father.  I stopped what I was doing and thought to myself, "Was that a picture of true obedience?" 

What is obedience?  Is it obedient actions without a willing heart or is it a willing heart followed by obedient actions?  I was thrown for a loop.  Realizing that we often learn by example, I wonder what example am I setting for my children.  Demanding obedience is easier than exemplifying it.  However, I want my children to obey out of a willing heart rather than a fear of punishment.  How often do I exemplify this in my relationship with Christ?  Am I obedient to his commands because I fear hell or because I love Christ?  Are Anthony and I modeling mutual submission for our children?  Not as a form of domination or enslavement to one another, but as a form of love and care for each others needs. 

1 Samuel 15, Samuel relays to Saul that God is more pleased with obedience to His commands than with actions that contradict the law that God had laid before His people.  Saul knew the sin he had committed and tried to regain God's favor knowing that he was not truly willing to obey God.  God would rather I obey Him than religious rules/laws established by man.  So how does this relate to a 2 year old?  I choose to raise my children by God's word. Not as a demand they obey but as an example they can learn from.  I want my heart to be that of a child willingly obeying her Father and I want my boys to see that in my actions.  Must say, I love the lessons I learn through my Drew...and soon through my Sam too!  God is gracious to use those He entrusted to me as tools in order to teach me His lessons.