Choosing Love - A Gift

I'm a grown woman. Thirty four years of walking this little corner of the world.  And I must say, I would never want to do it all over again. Never ever ever.  Not even an understatement. Like a mentioned in this post, I was a hopeless romantic. Hopeless. 

The first nearly twenty one years of my life was spent at the hands of my own preconceived ideas about who I was and what I needed.  Growing up in a somewhat small suburban community in what was once known as the "Bible belt" was not so bad.  The school I attended was average.  My grades were satisfactory.  My involvement in extracurricular activities was minimal.  My family was provided for by hardworking, still married parents.  We attended a small church where most people were family.  Life wasn't so bad.



I was liked by most people.  I stayed out of trouble and in the background mostly.  My family loved me.  Yet, I had an intense desire to be loved.  Loved for who I was.  School girl crush after school girl crush.  Nothing.  I felt a little like Violet from the Incredibles....invisible.  And then when I was noticed, I made poor choices for fear of losing love.

Until one day. Well into my college years, the guy I had been dating broke it off.  Feeling crushed, I didn't know what else to do so I began praying.  The Lord was faithful in showing me that I had to learn to love me.  The me that He had created me to be.  So what, I had made a list of expectations for my future man.  If I wasn't secure in who I was, it really wouldn't matter what I wanted in someone else. The truth of the matter is, if someone can talk you into doing or being something, then someone can talk you out of it.  Your actions prove your stability.  And stable I was most certainly not.

It came down to finding my identity in Christ, not in someone else's opinion of my worth.  It became about accepting Christ's free gift of love and choosing to live fully in that gift, day after day after day.  To accept who I had been and choose to no longer be that person.  A choice of no longer hiding in my shame, but allowing that shame to be removed by The One who loved me while I was still a sinner.  He knew me then and knows me now and loves me the same.  His love, Christ's love, is grace-filled and glorious.

God blessed me, truly blessed me, when He brought my husband into my life.  Not only was he what I had desired in my future mate, he was willing to take a backseat to my relationship with Christ.  And our relationship is wonderful and a work in progress.  Marriage, as with any human relationship, takes work.  The warm fuzzies last for a week or two, maybe a little longer, but if you don't know who you are you can't give fully to any relationship.  And trust me, if you don't love who you are, how can you expect someone else to love you and choose to remain in that love?


What or who are you listening to that is falsely describing who you are or should be? Are you willing to lay aside what everyone else wants for you so that you can follow Christ and what He wants for you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulF23jpFvyY

Thankfulness...the beginning

In my little corner of the world, the sun rose before sun up this morning...as it does most mornings. He cried out for "Mom" over the baby monitor at five minutes after three. His sweet, sleepy smile and his out of control curls made me smile. And for him, I am incredibly thankful. He's aggressive, silly and loves to be outside. His words are no where near plain but I understand him...he's mine. His hands are always full...trucks, cups or whatever he can find to throw. He's all boy. And for him, I am immeasurably thankful.

His alarm clock wailed at 3:30 AM, as he slowly rolled out of bed, careful to not disturb my sleep. Little did he know I was already awake. He gently whispered he loved me and kissed me softly. His dedication to and love for me and our boys are evident. And for him, I am forever thankful. His compassion and thoughtfulness are not overlooked. Though often I fail at telling and showing him how truly thankful I am for him.

As I'm falling back asleep, I hear the sound of my baby sucking on his hand. His soft cry tells me he's hungry. So once again I open my eyes, prepare a bottle and hold my sweet baby as he takes his bottle. For his precious life, I am thankful. He refuses to close his eyes as I try time and time again to put him in his crib. I gently cradle him in my arms and place his pacifier in his mouth. I hold him close until I hear the gentle sound of a snore coming from his tiny person. Oh how thankful I am for this unexpected, unplanned bundle of baby.

As I held the baby in a state of half wakefulness, I heard a noise. My clock showed 5:24 AM, as the door to his room opened and closed. I thought surely he's not awake. The house fell quiet once again. The door of my room creaked open ever so slightly. I saw the top of his little bed head peeking in. Oh how thankful I am for that little Momma's boy. I called him to come in quietly. As I gently laid the baby in his crib, I heard him say, "Why is everybody still asleep, momma?" He crawled into bed and laid on his daddy's pillows as we turned on Disney Junior. His sweet spirit warms my heart as we watch television, even before the sun rises. Oh how thankful I am for him.

Through all the watches of the night He was there. As I slept and as I rose, His presence was there. I fail to remember He's up that early most days...but then I'm aware He never sleeps. In the silence, I'm thankful for Him. Where I fail, He lifts me up. In the harsh reality of morning light, His joy sustains me. Only because of His grace extended to me, do I have the strength to extend grace to others. For Him I am eternally thankful...and this is just the beginning!