Gathered at the Table

There is an old table in my dining area that is in desperate need of some TLC. The top is wearing evidence of meals and memories from years gone by. Each morning, noon and evening my little family gathers there, bowing our heads and hearts to give thanks and enjoy yet another meal.  Gathering at the table, this table, is something for years I have enjoyed with my parents, sister and brother. Dad sitting at the head of the table and my sister and I trying to figure out how to get out of eating lima beans yet again.

So many memories I have around the table.  Just the other night I had the opportunity to gather around a table with a few beautiful sisters in Christ whose hearts are more radiant than even their smiles.  We shared a nice meal on beautiful china, laughing and sharing together in sweet fellowship. It is a picture I will not soon forget.  I'm not one to easily open up and share my struggles, frustrations or fears.  But there was just something about this table, these women.

As we read Scripture and shared gifts of Thanks to our great God, we began to see how the world had crept in, ever so craftily, and robbed some of their offerings to our King.  My mind and heart raced to the twenty-third Psalm, words from the shepherd king.

You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings. ~ Psalm 23:5

This feast, it's for me - prepared in hard places.  It is offered in the place where the world, The Enemy, and my flesh are present - in the daily, small things and in the extraordinary, grand things.

Life.

It is the body and blood of Christ broken and poured out for me.  This feast, where I come to give thanks, and live thanks, for that which was broken and poured out for me, is the extravagant grace of Christ. An invitation to invite others to come. Opportunity to hold the gates of praise open that others may be drawn into His presence.

Many times lately, I have seen the evidence of stolen praise. Honestly, I have lived a robbed life. Robbed of seeing the gifts of thanks that surround me - because of my own evil desires. Robbed of others with whom to offer these gifts - because of my own fears, frustrations and struggles. As James wrote to the persecuted church he clearly lays out what true religion, religion in the eyes of God, looks like.

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. ~ James 1:27

Oh that you and I would refuse to let the world corrupt us! That we would not be drawn back from His table.  That our living would be a thanks offering to Christ for Him - His life, His love, His offering, His grace, His friendship, His mercy and the list goes on and on.

Sitting around that table with those women, there was just something indescribable. There was a moment, an offering, a steadfastness that I cannot explain.  As Christ took upon Himself the role of the servant, stooping to wash the feet of His closest friends and one who would betray Him, then serving the meal of the portrait that was truly yet to come, I see community in a whole new light. It is an opportunity to offer to Christ, with others, praise and thanksgiving, inviting those who have not yet refused the world to see glimpses of Christ, tasting His goodness. And sometimes it is inviting back those who have felt the corruption of the world even after experiencing Christ's goodness, reminding them where they belong, at His table.

Whether you gather around a dining table with friends or in the comfort of your living room, driving down the road, or wherever you may be, my prayer for you today is that you would do as the Psalmist says:

Taste and see that the Lord is good.
    Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
Fear the Lord, you his godly people,
    for those who fear him will have all they need.
Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,
    but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.

~ Psalm 34:8-10

Taste His goodness, take refuge in him, trusting that in Him you will lack no good thing.

Choosing Love - A Gift

I'm a grown woman. Thirty four years of walking this little corner of the world.  And I must say, I would never want to do it all over again. Never ever ever.  Not even an understatement. Like a mentioned in this post, I was a hopeless romantic. Hopeless. 

The first nearly twenty one years of my life was spent at the hands of my own preconceived ideas about who I was and what I needed.  Growing up in a somewhat small suburban community in what was once known as the "Bible belt" was not so bad.  The school I attended was average.  My grades were satisfactory.  My involvement in extracurricular activities was minimal.  My family was provided for by hardworking, still married parents.  We attended a small church where most people were family.  Life wasn't so bad.



I was liked by most people.  I stayed out of trouble and in the background mostly.  My family loved me.  Yet, I had an intense desire to be loved.  Loved for who I was.  School girl crush after school girl crush.  Nothing.  I felt a little like Violet from the Incredibles....invisible.  And then when I was noticed, I made poor choices for fear of losing love.

Until one day. Well into my college years, the guy I had been dating broke it off.  Feeling crushed, I didn't know what else to do so I began praying.  The Lord was faithful in showing me that I had to learn to love me.  The me that He had created me to be.  So what, I had made a list of expectations for my future man.  If I wasn't secure in who I was, it really wouldn't matter what I wanted in someone else. The truth of the matter is, if someone can talk you into doing or being something, then someone can talk you out of it.  Your actions prove your stability.  And stable I was most certainly not.

It came down to finding my identity in Christ, not in someone else's opinion of my worth.  It became about accepting Christ's free gift of love and choosing to live fully in that gift, day after day after day.  To accept who I had been and choose to no longer be that person.  A choice of no longer hiding in my shame, but allowing that shame to be removed by The One who loved me while I was still a sinner.  He knew me then and knows me now and loves me the same.  His love, Christ's love, is grace-filled and glorious.

God blessed me, truly blessed me, when He brought my husband into my life.  Not only was he what I had desired in my future mate, he was willing to take a backseat to my relationship with Christ.  And our relationship is wonderful and a work in progress.  Marriage, as with any human relationship, takes work.  The warm fuzzies last for a week or two, maybe a little longer, but if you don't know who you are you can't give fully to any relationship.  And trust me, if you don't love who you are, how can you expect someone else to love you and choose to remain in that love?


What or who are you listening to that is falsely describing who you are or should be? Are you willing to lay aside what everyone else wants for you so that you can follow Christ and what He wants for you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulF23jpFvyY

Peanut - A Gift

I'm not one of those girls who had their wedding planned before Mr. Right showed up and swept them off their feet.  I was a hopeless romantic who dreamed of the day I'd meet that man of my list.  List, you ask.  The one I made that included all things I wanted, and all things I didn't, in my husband.  I never dreamed of what I'd name my children or how many I had to have.  Of course, I wanted all this.  To marry Mr. Right and have children.

And in January of 2006, Mr. Right and I found out we were expecting our first bundle of joy.  The best two year anniversary present this girl could have asked for.  We scheduled our doctor visit, saw that sweet little life that was forming in my womb.  We nicknamed him/her Peanut.  The heartbeat...incredible.  In March, after having been on a business trip for several days, I returned home.  We went to our scheduled doctor visit only to find that there was no heartbeat.  After 3 days of blood tests and ultrasounds, my worst nightmare was confirmed.  We lost our little Peanut.

Devastated.

The gift was not only in the little life that stopped forming in my womb.  For days, weeks even, women surrounded me with cards, hugs and prayers.  They reached out to share their stories of loss and grief.  These were testimonies to the grace of God, who both gives life and takes life away.



 A gift.

I never thought I'd be able to handle something like that.  Losing an unborn child.  The greatest gift I received in it all was in drawing near to The Giver of life.  He taught me to trust Him even when it was difficult and I didn't understand. To lean in to His heart when all seemed to fall apart around me.   He has taught me how to turn every blessing He has given back to praise...even the hard ones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giw2KfOZf0k

Fences

A week out from Thanksgiving and we are slowly moving back into a routine. Three states in three days with three boys under the age of five is rough on a gal. Especially when the 2 year old prefers demands his own bed for hours on end between say midnight and 4 AM for two nights in a row.

We were blessed to be able to stay with family we haven't had much of a chance to see over the past 8 years. So it was wonderful to be around them, even for the few short hours we did have. We stayed the first night with my husband's aunt in Tennessee. I love his aunt and uncle! They have always made me feel like part of the family. Acceptance is a beautiful thing. This couple has the most incredible home. It's more than a house; it truly feels like being at home. The boys bounced off stairs, pulled numerous toys from their unknown habitat. They played inside and outside. We went to see the train and even found a playground. The boys played upstairs, downstairs and under everyone's feet.

For the first time, and I'm not exaggerating, I let them be kids at someone else's house. I was a little apprehensive at first but decided it would be best, for them and for me. And here are a few things I learned.

1. My boys need fences not leashes. They are children that need to be trained not animals that need to be broken. I must allow them freedom to explore, to roam, to learn. Freedom to find out who they are and what they can achieve.




2. My boys will be what I make or break them to be. I have the opportunity now to set my boys up for success or for failure. Not just in a future business sense. Now is when they will learn how to be the men they will become.

3. There is safety and solace in boundaries. By setting boundaries for them, I am allowing them to take the reigns from time to time. Giving them a safe place to learn and explore. Which also means that sometimes their decisions may not be the best ones. However, there are times that making bad decisions is punishment enough.

Thankful for family, faith and fences!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving

Thankfulness.  Thanksgiving.  Thanks.  I don't know about you, but I am prone to complain, often missing the blessing of thankfulness.  Many times over in scripture we are encouraged to be thankful.  Paul says to be thankful in all circumstances. In every situation, be thankful.

¹⁸ Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

The psalmist wrote an entire psalm of thankfulness. Psalm 136 finds the psalmist giving thanks to God for everything from the food we eat to God's own goodness.



Over the past week or so, I've found myself starting something new.  Rachel over at Finding Joy had posted about her 2 Minute Grateful List back in August.  As I read her post, I decided that I was going to make a 2 minute grateful list part of my morning "routine".  So for the last couple of weeks, minus a day or two, I've included this list in my mornings.  Can I tell you that it so makes a difference when I am intentional about being thankful.  My day may go to pot but my attitude does not.

Today, I'm thankful for...

• a little gap-toothed grin


• ponytail holders


• beautiful fall weather


• wonderful brothers & sisters at New Life Fellowship


• pecans falling off the trees

• papaw's tractor


• my thoughtful husband


• fluffy pillows


• nail polish (though not on my nails right now!)

So, I wonder, have you given thanks today?  If not, take a minute - or 2 - to jot down what you are thankful for!

Thankfulness...the beginning

In my little corner of the world, the sun rose before sun up this morning...as it does most mornings. He cried out for "Mom" over the baby monitor at five minutes after three. His sweet, sleepy smile and his out of control curls made me smile. And for him, I am incredibly thankful. He's aggressive, silly and loves to be outside. His words are no where near plain but I understand him...he's mine. His hands are always full...trucks, cups or whatever he can find to throw. He's all boy. And for him, I am immeasurably thankful.

His alarm clock wailed at 3:30 AM, as he slowly rolled out of bed, careful to not disturb my sleep. Little did he know I was already awake. He gently whispered he loved me and kissed me softly. His dedication to and love for me and our boys are evident. And for him, I am forever thankful. His compassion and thoughtfulness are not overlooked. Though often I fail at telling and showing him how truly thankful I am for him.

As I'm falling back asleep, I hear the sound of my baby sucking on his hand. His soft cry tells me he's hungry. So once again I open my eyes, prepare a bottle and hold my sweet baby as he takes his bottle. For his precious life, I am thankful. He refuses to close his eyes as I try time and time again to put him in his crib. I gently cradle him in my arms and place his pacifier in his mouth. I hold him close until I hear the gentle sound of a snore coming from his tiny person. Oh how thankful I am for this unexpected, unplanned bundle of baby.

As I held the baby in a state of half wakefulness, I heard a noise. My clock showed 5:24 AM, as the door to his room opened and closed. I thought surely he's not awake. The house fell quiet once again. The door of my room creaked open ever so slightly. I saw the top of his little bed head peeking in. Oh how thankful I am for that little Momma's boy. I called him to come in quietly. As I gently laid the baby in his crib, I heard him say, "Why is everybody still asleep, momma?" He crawled into bed and laid on his daddy's pillows as we turned on Disney Junior. His sweet spirit warms my heart as we watch television, even before the sun rises. Oh how thankful I am for him.

Through all the watches of the night He was there. As I slept and as I rose, His presence was there. I fail to remember He's up that early most days...but then I'm aware He never sleeps. In the silence, I'm thankful for Him. Where I fail, He lifts me up. In the harsh reality of morning light, His joy sustains me. Only because of His grace extended to me, do I have the strength to extend grace to others. For Him I am eternally thankful...and this is just the beginning!