Peanut - A Gift

I'm not one of those girls who had their wedding planned before Mr. Right showed up and swept them off their feet.  I was a hopeless romantic who dreamed of the day I'd meet that man of my list.  List, you ask.  The one I made that included all things I wanted, and all things I didn't, in my husband.  I never dreamed of what I'd name my children or how many I had to have.  Of course, I wanted all this.  To marry Mr. Right and have children.

And in January of 2006, Mr. Right and I found out we were expecting our first bundle of joy.  The best two year anniversary present this girl could have asked for.  We scheduled our doctor visit, saw that sweet little life that was forming in my womb.  We nicknamed him/her Peanut.  The heartbeat...incredible.  In March, after having been on a business trip for several days, I returned home.  We went to our scheduled doctor visit only to find that there was no heartbeat.  After 3 days of blood tests and ultrasounds, my worst nightmare was confirmed.  We lost our little Peanut.

Devastated.

The gift was not only in the little life that stopped forming in my womb.  For days, weeks even, women surrounded me with cards, hugs and prayers.  They reached out to share their stories of loss and grief.  These were testimonies to the grace of God, who both gives life and takes life away.



 A gift.

I never thought I'd be able to handle something like that.  Losing an unborn child.  The greatest gift I received in it all was in drawing near to The Giver of life.  He taught me to trust Him even when it was difficult and I didn't understand. To lean in to His heart when all seemed to fall apart around me.   He has taught me how to turn every blessing He has given back to praise...even the hard ones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giw2KfOZf0k