Lesson from Epaphras

If my ability to learn ever stops, Lord Jesus, I pray you take me home to eternity.

I've been studying through the book of Colossians with a precious small group of ladies from our church fellowship.  I can't begin to tell you how much I've needed that time in fellowship with those sweet ladies every week.  This past week was no exception.  And I'm looking forward to our last session on Tuesday night.  But I just couldn't wait to share something that I've learned this week.

Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.

Epaphras, a member of your own fellowship and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends you his greetings. He always prays earnestly for you, asking God to make you strong and perfect, fully confident that you are following the whole will of God.  ~  Colossians 4:6,12

Epaphras was a servant of Christ and member of the fellowship in Colosse. I was moved by his earnest prayer for the church in Colosse.  His desire to see them made strong, perfect and fully confident in Christ.  And it made me wonder, what do I earnestly desire for the church, locally and globally?  Is my desire for each believer for God to make them strong, perfect and fully confident that they are following the whole will of God?  Or is my desire that I would grow and they would follow me?



As I thought about this, I referred to earlier in the text where Paul exhorts the believers to "Let your conversation be gracious and attractive". The word attractive there can, and is often, translated meaning "as though seasoned with salt." Salt can act as a tenderizer.  As believers our conversation, our words, should be full of grace and be tender.  Epaphras sought God's heart for the people of Colosse.  He sought grace and tender mercies to be bestowed on these people.


My heart semi broke when I thought about these verses.  What am I doing?  Am I seeking the heart of God for these people I live life with daily? Or am I too busy trying to look good or appear as though I know best.  I came to the realization that, as a believer, I essentially signed a non competition clause when I chose to follow Christ. I left my CEO mentality and chose the life of a servant.  I gave up one master to follow the Master.  And He alone is gracious and full of tender mercies.  He alone teaches us to look to Him and to earnestly pray for others.  I will no longer try to compete with Him for headship.  I've chosen death to self-righteousness and being self centered.  My desire is for His love and His grace to be what tenderizes my heart and fashions me to be more like Him.

 

Dear Lovey

Dear Lovey,

I came to see you the other day. It was a trip that I should have made long before this time came. I knew you'd be just as beautiful as ever. I just wasn't prepared. You see, I wanted to hug your sweet neck and talk about all the things going on since I saw you last. To have a tea party with bright feather boas and big fun hats. To hear you laugh and see the way your eyes danced. Oh how they danced...with love and grace, whether you were in pain or pain free.




Photo Credit

I walked through those big wooden doors and once again grace nearly drowned me. You were there but no longer present. There was a peace. And there was a void. As individuals and families moved in and out of that double room, the grace that had once adorned you was somehow woven into each face. Changed by the woman you were and the Savior you worshipped, the One you now stand before singing. Joining that great cloud of witnesses.

Oh Lovey, thank you! Thank you for seeing me for more than the hard outer shell I wore. For seeing my flaws and reaching out just the same. In a place I felt like I didn't belong, you were a lighthouse. In a time I wasn't even sure who I was, you were a safe place. You loved me. I love you!

I really wish I had made the trip to say these things in person, I didn't. Thankful that where you are, I will one day be as well - in the presence of our Savior, worshipping for all eternity. How you touched my life will always remain with me, like finger prints uncleaned on glass. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Christ to me!

See you later!

Grace Hoarder

Life, for me, would be so much easier if I didn't have to deal with people.  I mean, wouldn't it for all of us.  There is always some drama going on somewhere that somehow we are, one, invited to participate in, or, two, drug into kicking and screaming.  Sometimes we're seen as the drama queen and sometimes we're seen as hateful because we want to have no part.

As a parent, I am learning how my children play these roles daily.  I have one that tends to exude drama.  And I have one that simply just instigates it.  And then I have one that marches to the beat of his own little drummer and typically has nothing to do with the drama (for now anyway).

I'm also learning quite a bit about myself through the fiery trials of parenthood.  One thing that pains me to admit is that I am a grace hoarder.  I am confessing this sin to the world (ugh) because I know that I need accountability, as do we all.  As I've been studying through the book of 1 Peter to start my day, I am keenly aware of my own need not only for grace but also to give grace.

My children are young and though we are raising them prayerfully to commit their lives to loving obedience to Christ, they are not believers yet.  And it has been pressed upon my heart their need to experience grace from me, their mother, in order to understand the grace lavishly poured out on them through Christ.  People, please realize that there are those who DO NOT believe and our accusations and condemnation of their actions without love is wrong.  Why would any unbeliever want our "drama" when they can get that where they are already?

Today I am praying for myself and other believers that this crazy, dying world around us would know we are Christians because of the love we show, not only to fellow believers but to those who do not believe around us.  And I am choosing to let the grace given to me be shown through my actions to those around me today.  Please, believers, don't be the drama today, choose instead to impart grace.

For when I need a whisper

Elijah traveled alone to Mount Sinai through the wilderness over a period of forty days and nights. Alone. Through the wilderness. On the verge of a breakdown.  He had already collapsed under a tree and begged God to let him die.  This man was tired, discouraged, fearful and possibly depressed.  And something tells me he was probably singing a line or two from Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk a...

You get the picture. He crashed in a cave upon his arrival and slept. (Had it been me, I'd of set up shop and planned to stay, well, forever.)  And then when he woke, the Lord said to Elijah,

What are you doing here, Elijah?

As if God didn't know why Elijah was there.  Elijah made his complaint before God.  Instead of just out right shaming Elijah, God tells him

Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. ¹² And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.

~ 1 Kings 19:11-13a

And then the Lord asks Elijah a second time

And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

Elijah again made his complaint before God.  In Naomi paraphrase, he said something like this, "God, I have served You, and You alone, with every fiber of my being to the point of laying my life on the line, and these people who are Yours by covenant have lost their minds, torn down Your altars and murdered every last one of Your prophets and they are desperately trying to kill me. And I'm all You got left in this crazy place."

And here I am.  A whole year later.  Faith tested.  Patience tried.  And I find myself in a similar circumstance as Elijah, minus the prophets of Baal and Asherah and Satan's sidekick Jezebel.  Having the assurance I am where I'm supposed to be.  Even when my head knowledge is ringing loud and clear, my heart sometimes wants to faint.  A firestorm of fear and discouragement, doubt and discontent.  I don't know if that is how Elijah felt, but I know that is what I have experienced and in some ways am experiencing.

Strength and courage come from the Lord.  What Elijah needed, He couldn't see.  What he knew, he needed to be reminded of.  Am I it, Lord?  Am I the only one?

Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him.”

This week it was brought to my attention that I am not alone.  Though things do not always work like I plan, expect or hope, doesn't mean defeat.  Priscilla Shirer writes in The Resolution for Women, "A woman of contentment is aware of her needs and what God has already supplied to meet them."  Just because how He supplies isn't what I asked, doesn't mean His provision is not what I need.  What Elijah did not need was death. What Elijah needed was to know that God was still in control.  What Elijah needed was to know that he had fulfilled the purpose God had for him.  Elijah needed the encouragement that came from His creator.  Grace from his God.

Isn't that what we all need?  Grace.  As for me, grace is what I've been reminded of over the last week.  Circumstances are always changing.  People will at some point fail me.  Life is not always what I want or expect.  For all of this (& more) there's grace in Christ alone.

My purpose in writing is to encourage you and assure you that what you are experiencing is truly part of God's grace for you.  Stand firm in this grace.

~1 Peter 5:12b

When forgiveness isn't enough

This morning was like MANY others. My middle alarm clock woke up around 4 AM, shortly after the little one finished his bottle. My gracious husband handled him so I could catch a few more Z's. Six forty seemed way too early but so much to do today. Breakfast to fix, oldest to preschool, groceries to buy...because we have breakfast foods but really, who needs 12 boxes of cereal?!


In the midst of dressing all 3 boys and myself, I found myself out of favor with my oldest. I asked the middle one to bring me the baby wipes and the oldest to bring me a diaper for the baby. The oldest quickly grabbed the wipes and headed toward me. I asked him to give them to his brother and bring me a diaper, much to his dismay. What ensued was a semi-silent tantrum. One that lasted well after I dropped him off at preschool.

I could say so many things here about the temperament of my precious oldest son, the rather sweet 4 year old that he his. But I will refrain. After the noticeable frustration and anger he was feeling because he did not get his way, I asked his forgiveness for not realizing beforehand of his desire to get the wipes (something he is not usually asked to do). I want him, and his brothers, to understand that when they make a mistake, it is good to acknowledge they were wrong and ask forgiveness. I want them to be men who are honest and trustworthy.

However, as we were walking into the school, he was still visibly upset. Before walking in I stopped and asked him what was going on. He repeated that he was still upset over the episode with the baby wipes. Still. Still! But I asked forgiveness and even made a promise to let him bring the wipes next time. I hugged him and we walked in. As he went in his class, his first words to his little friends were about what had happened at home. Ugh! I kept thinking

Just forget about it and move on!

Then it hit me like a TON of bricks. How can I expect his forgiveness when I am quick to punish? Why should I be given grace and make him live by the letter of the law? I am a Pharisee.

I've heard the saying

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

a 1000 times. But what I hadn't banked on was that what doesn't kill you can make you hard-hearted and bitter, can take away your childhood and make you shrug off the responsibilities of adulthood. What am I doing to my sons?!

My desire is that they will desire an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. That as a mom I will extend grace immeasurably (circumstantially as I am able) and be a living example of how they too can extend grace to others. I desire for my boys to see Jesus in and through me. To understand that mom (& dad) make mistakes and they will too but there is forgiveness and grace not just law and consequences.

What about you? What do your children see in you? Are you quick to ask forgiveness and slow to extend grace? May we all look to Christ as our example and be found in His grace today.